Sunday, February 8, 2009
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Top 5
Monday, September 22, 2008
Friday, August 15, 2008
Arizonaland
Arizona is a dangerous place:
Some people don't prepare for contingencies. I saw an entire unfortunate but ultimately stupid family of snowmen melted straight to death while standing in line at an ATM outside a Circle K.
Should I fear the heat?. No. As I have told many of you I fear nothing but sharks and tornadoes and/or the combination of the two.
Seeing the Mummy Returns and the Scorpion King on cable yesterday, however, reminded me that although I am not afraid of mummies I am almost completely averted to Chuck Russell movies.
Did any of you see the newest episode of Psych? There were a bunch of really terrible 80's covers that were meant to sound like the real thing, but I know the real Patty B when I hear her. Love is a Battlefield.
Dave and Jordan should be pleased to know that within three days of arriving I was taken to the Arizona version of Beto's. I expect the Arizona version diarrhea shortly.
Some people don't prepare for contingencies. I saw an entire unfortunate but ultimately stupid family of snowmen melted straight to death while standing in line at an ATM outside a Circle K.
Should I fear the heat?. No. As I have told many of you I fear nothing but sharks and tornadoes and/or the combination of the two.
Seeing the Mummy Returns and the Scorpion King on cable yesterday, however, reminded me that although I am not afraid of mummies I am almost completely averted to Chuck Russell movies.
Did any of you see the newest episode of Psych? There were a bunch of really terrible 80's covers that were meant to sound like the real thing, but I know the real Patty B when I hear her. Love is a Battlefield.
Dave and Jordan should be pleased to know that within three days of arriving I was taken to the Arizona version of Beto's. I expect the Arizona version diarrhea shortly.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
My Blog isn't flashy
I need Tod or John to show me how to do stuff.
I have trouble sleeping almost every night.
I work so often at Target and usually it's the only thing of substance I do in a day that I am still working at Target when I get home.
I rolled over last night and my hands started folding my pillow case like a t-shirt. When I shook what sleep I had accomplished out of my eyes I saw that I had pulled all my clothes out of their drawers and folded them on the floor.
My bedding was also folded and I was sleeping inside a cardboard box full of sandwiches and Christmas lights. So of course I felt a little thirsty, which is why I walked downstairs to get a glass of water from that big hairy guy who was moving all our appliances out onto the lawn. He seems nice, but I wouldn't lend him money.
I don't mean he would skip out on a check if you had lunch together, but he's got shifty eyes, like a parrot. I've always thought of feathered things as the dumbest part of the animal kingdom. 
But wolves, ah. They're the ninjas of the great big circle of life.
Imagine you and your wife walking through the grocery store--BAM! Oh man, a wolf just killed you guys.
Then there's Mike; he's some kind of football player. All he ever wanted was to play in the big ga--GORT! Those damn wolves just ruined Junior Prom! What'll they think of next?
Of course the woodsman keeps his eye out for any funny business. All alone there in his shack/cabin he whittles and writes letter to a long lost love named Bar--JEFF! Remember little Goldilocks woodsman? The wolves do.
I work at 1 pm so I don't really do anything in the morning, unless you count evacuating my house at 10:3o due to a broken gas line. I work until 9:30 pm.
What's up with the all-day shift? I'll tell you what's up.
Everything is closed; except clubs which I don't know the location of, and wouldn't have the faintest idea of what to do once I was inside them; and since I hate dancing and meeting new people who wear cheap fragrances and speak cheap English while listening to cheap music I don't see any reason why I would be happy going there, being there or leaving there five minutes later. Not my scene I suppose.
Even if there were restaurants open at that time (I understand most stay open until 10 at least) who would want to grab a bite at near-to-ten o'clock? None of my friends. I'm not even sure I want to eat at 10, although my stomach says otherwise.
So I wander home, check e-mail only to find Facebook notifications and junk mail from Amazon.com, and eventually watch a boring movie with my brother until my head hurts and then attempt to go to sleep.
It was at this point in the post writing process that my mind broke and I went back and changed everything I had written.
And who can begrudge them their hard earned early sleep times?
I have trouble sleeping almost every night.
I work so often at Target and usually it's the only thing of substance I do in a day that I am still working at Target when I get home.
I rolled over last night and my hands started folding my pillow case like a t-shirt. When I shook what sleep I had accomplished out of my eyes I saw that I had pulled all my clothes out of their drawers and folded them on the floor.
My bedding was also folded and I was sleeping inside a cardboard box full of sandwiches and Christmas lights. So of course I felt a little thirsty, which is why I walked downstairs to get a glass of water from that big hairy guy who was moving all our appliances out onto the lawn. He seems nice, but I wouldn't lend him money.
I don't mean he would skip out on a check if you had lunch together, but he's got shifty eyes, like a parrot. I've always thought of feathered things as the dumbest part of the animal kingdom. 
But wolves, ah. They're the ninjas of the great big circle of life.
Imagine you and your wife walking through the grocery store--BAM! Oh man, a wolf just killed you guys.
Then there's Mike; he's some kind of football player. All he ever wanted was to play in the big ga--GORT! Those damn wolves just ruined Junior Prom! What'll they think of next?
Of course the woodsman keeps his eye out for any funny business. All alone there in his shack/cabin he whittles and writes letter to a long lost love named Bar--JEFF! Remember little Goldilocks woodsman? The wolves do.
I work at 1 pm so I don't really do anything in the morning, unless you count evacuating my house at 10:3o due to a broken gas line. I work until 9:30 pm.
What's up with the all-day shift? I'll tell you what's up.
Everything is closed; except clubs which I don't know the location of, and wouldn't have the faintest idea of what to do once I was inside them; and since I hate dancing and meeting new people who wear cheap fragrances and speak cheap English while listening to cheap music I don't see any reason why I would be happy going there, being there or leaving there five minutes later. Not my scene I suppose.
Even if there were restaurants open at that time (I understand most stay open until 10 at least) who would want to grab a bite at near-to-ten o'clock? None of my friends. I'm not even sure I want to eat at 10, although my stomach says otherwise.
So I wander home, check e-mail only to find Facebook notifications and junk mail from Amazon.com, and eventually watch a boring movie with my brother until my head hurts and then attempt to go to sleep.
It was at this point in the post writing process that my mind broke and I went back and changed everything I had written.
And who can begrudge them their hard earned early sleep times?
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