A New Balance

What is this unexplainable attachment to New Balance shoes? They stand as the default shoe for the classless. If it is your desire to make absolutely no social statement except "I have nothing to say about anything important," by all means please wear New Balance track shoes, or any other form of active footwear, every single day. No, seriously go ahead. Though you did not just come from the gym you should feel no shame in stepping outside your home looking like you have no idea where you are going today. The fact that you are not extremely active should not dissuade you from dressing like you are; if you were even remotely active you wouldn't wear our your exercise shoes by wearing them for every and all occasions, but thankfully you have the wit and wisdom necessary to make one of your pairs of shoes your "one" pair of shoes. When you have finally decided that you need only meet the minimal requirement to "covering your nakedness"you will be nearing the realm of what we now call "New Balance". What you will need to continue on your quest for unremarkable social representation is a sturdy pair of khaki slacks; preferably with a good amount of useless and non-functional pockets and zippers.
Now that we have made it to your waist we suggest that you forgo the belt altogether; you don't need this accessory unless you can find one that is just as dressy as your shoes are trash casual. There exists an embarrassing amount of polo shirts in varying designs and hues, available to cover the trunk of flesh that is your torso. Do not concern yourself with the cut or fit, there is no such thing, and men with large and small bellies look equally ridiculous wearing them. If fortune has smiled upon you and you find the majority of your body covered with some form or other of textile, we suggest--as an absolute must-- a clean shaved face with prominent sideburns that stop at the exact bottom of your ear. Little attention should be paid to hairstyle as the current state of your attire now completely detracts from your overall visage. So you've made it, you have accomplished the absolutely probable, the statistically inevitable; you have clothed yourself using the least amount of effort in such a way that will occasion the least amount of comment on your person. You may now feel free to slip unannounced and unnoticed into the milling crowds of similarly unremarkable people.

ps Shame on you