Burning for No Reason

It has now occurred to me that of late I have exhibited much unwarranted heaviness. My lifestyle is characterized by ease and in truth I lack nothing essential. Proximity to negative influences provides adequate opportunity to act boorishly. Unfortunately I have allowed negative impulses to become negative inclinations; somehow convincing myself that I do not know all the pleasant things that I, in fact, paid a rather dear price to learn. I have never cared much for this kind of behavior. I mostly lack the energy to maintain ill humor for more than a few hours, although I was once successful in being unpleasant for three days in a row. Ultimately I become bored with the monotony of one single emotion, more specifically something as varied and therefore nebulous as being unhappy. I can remember numerous occasions when emotional and social stresses brought me low enough to feel—perhaps dejected is the word—it occurred to me that many people in my current situation would cry as a means of emotional release or cathartic easement. Yet every time I attempted to muster the emotion necessary to achieve tears I would get so bored with what I was doing that I would invariably stand up and leave wherever I had been in an attempt to find something at the very least more diverting or entertaining to do if not some more industrious endeavor. And so I found myself gazing rather affectedly out a window on campus and realized that I was acting rather foolishly. I was making allowances and giving considerations to things and people of no consequence to the effect of limiting my own chances at happiness. I would be better off doing more and thinking less but since I can only seem to handle 14 very carefully selected credits in one semester I find much of my free time open to muse about things that absolutely do not matter. Thankfully I have now become fully bored with this current train of thought and feel completely prepared to get something to eat.